Wordpress

Finding a Decent WordPress Theme

Recently I thought to myself: Maybe I should make a new site, something with WordPress. I’ve certainly made plenty of sites in the past. Dozens of sites for various clients, and of course some for myself. My previous “venture” was Spatter Graphics. I made this site a long, long time ago and it’s gone through quite a few variations, most of them just shy of terrible. I started that site when I was still doing a lot of Photoshop and CGI work so it seemed pretty appropriate. However, I don’t spend much time doing that sort of stuff anymore and consequently that site doesn’t ever get updated, or looked at, or anything at all.

So, a new site. I decided I should start something fresh. Something more fitting. “Spatter Graphics” doesn’t really describe anything useful anymore. It’s too specific, I’m not doing graphics now. I do a lot of writing though, and I like to talk about programming, video games, movies, etc etc. Oh shit. That’s a blog. I’ve just described a site where I ramble about bullshit. A blog. Fuck.

Oh well, fine. I’ll make a blog. I’ll use WordPress. I’ve used it before, it’s pretty easy and has lots of fairly useful plugins. But how about a theme? I could certainly make one, and in fact, I plan to. But that would take a while and I’d like to get something up a lot quicker. No big deal, there’s tons of themes out there for WordPress, I just have to find one.

Yes, there are lots and lots of WordPress themes. Wait. Allow me to clarify. There are lots and lots of horrible WordPress themes. Now, I’ll be perfectly honest, I haven’t spent a whole lot of time looking for themes. I figured there’d be a good selection in WordPress. After all, it’s got a theme browser built right into it. I’ll use that.

The theme browser sucks. It’s really simple, it’s just plain bad. Evidently, if I want to get a listing of themes ranked by popularity, well… too bad because that’s impossible. I can see like 10 “featured” themes, whatever those are, but I sure as hell can’t see any more than that. My only other option is to select random keywords and colors and cross my fingers that I’ve found some magical combination that will lead me to some quality theme.

Screw that. I’ll go to DeviantArt. I’ve been a member there for years, they’ve got all sorts of stuff on there, I’m sure they’ll have something. Well, yes and no. There are some decent WordPress themes (and a complete lack of a WordPress category), but the vast majority of them are not actually themes. You can’t use them. They’re just JPEGs. Well that’s just great. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? I should have known better. Those asshats at DeviantArt don’t know how to slice up an image. They certainly don’t know php, html, javascript, or even css.

At this point I was getting annoyed. It’s not like I needed anything amazing. I just wanted something simple, but that also did not look like boiled shit. I’ll make a better theme later, I just want something quick and easy. So I begrudgingly returned to WordPress and its abysmal excuse for a theme browser and picked the first thing that didn’t feature a panorama of dimly lit trees, swirly flowers, or some stupid boat.

So that’s how I ended up with this theme. I guess it’s OK. It’s not terrible or anything. It’s adequate. What it was not, however, was quick or easy. So fix your crappy theme browser WordPress. It sucks. Make it with less suck in it.

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