Stan’s the man from Pakistan,

Devised a plan to get with Anne

Involving flans, lambs, and highly polished jars of jam.

I had a pretty average childhood for the most part. Went to public schools, didn’t move around too much. Had a decent number of friends, but wasn’t super popular. It was all just pretty average.

However, there were some things that occurred that were not average at all. In fact, they were pretty fucked up. Now, everybody’s got their crazy stories about weird shit that happened once upon a time, but most of them don’t have anything to do with something so quaint as a spiral notebook.

There once was this babe who was teething

The sound hurt my head like a beating

So I yanked them all out

He gave quite a shout

And now he’s all quiet and bleeding

I often tell people that I don’t eat raisins because I had a bad experience, but I don’t always tell them what that experience was. In fact, sometimes merely telling people of my experience makes them not eat raisins as well. But what horrible thing happened to make me stop eating such a seemingly harmless food?